Back To The Light
by Thousandsmiles
Summary: It's been a damn long time since Arthur has cared about anything. Then he meets Merlin and everything changes. Modern setting AU. No Slash.


**I hope you all like this one. I somehow wrote a depressed Arthur (I think?) So, um, trigger warnings I guess.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.**

* * *

(It's been a damn long time since Arthur has cared about anything.)

(Something is wrong with him, he knows. It's like he's just half a person. He's not a psychopath he thinks, just empty.)

(He hasn't been the same since his mother's death. He hasn't cared about anyone since Morgana…)

("She's more my sister than you've ever been my brother!")

(And didn't that hurt more than anything? The one person he ever cared about, didn't care that he cared.)

(He's never been the same since his father's death either. Which is strange. Arthur has never known if he loved his father or hated him.)

(His loss leaves a curious hole in his chest. Arthur has learned to breath around it because it doesn't seem like it'll leave anytime soon)

(There are moments of startling clarity and in those times, Arthur wishes desperately that he could be fixed.)

* * *

Arthur see the same guy at least four days out of five as he drives past the bus stop. It's not as if he pays attention to the people at the bus stop but he notices this guy, usually because he's always in a hurry, like he's always late and needs the bus to come right now.

After awhile he starts to look out for him out of habit and catalogues the stranger's emotions on the mornings when the radio is too boring to stop him from falling asleep.

He doesn't think anything about this anymore than anyone would pay attention to one of their own quirks but one day it's pouring wet, Arthur is late and apparently, so is the bus. The stranger is standing underneath the bus stop, bundled up, looking utterly miserable. He's also the only one there.

Arthur sighs and before he really thinks about what he's doing he pulls up to the bus stop, rolls down the window and says, "Get in."

"What?" the young man, says in utter confusion.

"I'm heading in your direction," Arthur says, "Do you want a lift or not?"

There's a moment hesitation but they're both late by now so the stranger makes the run into Arthur's car and Arthur pulls back onto the road.

The stranger pulls his hoodie off his head revealing his short black hair and stuck out ears.

"Thanks," he says. "I'm Merlin."

"Arthur," Arthur replies, without taking his eyes from the road. He can't unless he wants them to epically crash.

"So, not to sound ungrateful or anything but how did you know where I was going?"

"I see you almost every morning at the bus stop when I drive by," Arthur said, "And I see you at the bus stop in the city when I'm driving back home. It doesn't take a genius to figure out we have a similar commute."

"That doesn't sound stalker-ish at all," Merlin says at the same time when those exact thoughts are running through Arthur's head.

"Why would I waste time stalking you?" Arthur says in reply, "I just happened to notice you. There's an old lady with a pink umbrella who appears rather frequently too."

"Her name is Marsha," Merlin informs him. "Okay fine, you weren't stalking me."

"Why am I not surprised that you know her name?"

"I just have one of those faces I guess," Merlin says shrugging.

"The kind but utterly imbecilic face?" Arthur inquires.

He gets a look he can't see and then Merlin says, "You're a prat."

"That's your great comeback? And I'm currently your driver, you're not allowed to insult me," Arthur retorts.

"Did you go into training to become a prat… sir? Or is it all natural?"

It's at this point that Arthur decides that he kinda, sorta, really wants to strangle Merlin. The conversation naturally devolves from there and by the time he pulls up to the building Merlin directs him to, he feels like he's been through the verbal equivalent of a spar.

"You're a brave man Merlin," he says at his last jab, "Wading into a war with so limited a vocabulary. Brave but stupid."

"And you're a clotpole," Merlin retorts, eyes sparkling with amusement, "to think so when you didn't know half of what I said." Arthur snorts in derision but he hadn't had this much fun in a long time.

He prepares to leave when Arthur says, "I finish at 5."

"4:30," Merlin says.

"I'm at the Camelot Building," Arthur tells him, "if the bus is late again." Then he puts the car in gear and drives off before his sanity reasserts itself and he can rescind his offer.

* * *

Arthur isn't exactly surprised when he walks out at five and finds merlin sitting in his building's lobby.

"It's raining again," Merlin offers.

Arthur looks outside to the pouring rain and said, "So it is." He gestures and Merlin follows him to the underground parking lot. They get in and spend the drive back, fighting over the radio.

* * *

When he spots Merlin at the bus stop the next day he pulls up without comment and Merlin hops in without hesitation.

It becomes routine before Arthur realizes it does.

* * *

They are stuck in traffic one evening due to a car accident when the next change to Arthur's life occurs. And once again it's because of Merlin.

They are in the midst of one of their radio battles when Merlin addresses the guy in the car next to them.

"Hey, White Stripes are better than Kings of Leon, yes or no?"

"The guy blinks at them and then grins and says, "Totally."

Merlin sticks out his tongue at Arthur and says, "I win."

"That's cheating!" Arthur protests, "It's not honorable."

"What's dishonorable princess," the guy in the other car drawls, "is saying kings of Leon is better,"

Merlin stretches out his hand for an air fistbump which the guy returns.

"No one asked you," Arthur fumes.

"He did," the guy retorts.

"He's no one," Arthur snorts.

Merlin laughs and wins the radio station. Both cars inch forward and once they're still again, Merlin says, "I'm Merlin."

"Gwaine," says the other guy.

"Arthur," Arthur says when Merlin elbows him.

"Nice to meet you," Merlin says.

"Pleasure mate," says Gwaine.

"So, this is a fine day for traffic," Gwaine continues.

"Is any day a good day?" Arthur asks.

"Arthur road rages," Merlin confides to the perfect stranger.

"I do not!" Arthur protests.

"Last week. That guy at the corner," Merlin reminds him. Arthur thumps him on the shoulder since he has nothing to say to that.

"Nothing to be ashamed of mate," says Gwaine. "I do too. What are the best insults you've ever come up with for the idiots on the road?"

They spend the next three hours sharing insults with Merlin keeping tally and interjecting on occasion. Gwaine wins but only just. Arthur finally admits he probably really does road rage.

When they finally get past the congestion point and separate, Arthur feels a curious sense of loss. Merlin appears similarly affected.

* * *

Neither of them ever expect to see Gwaine again so it's a bit of a shock to hear his voice when they stop at a red light, the next week..

"Let me guess, Arthur won the radio."

"Gwaine!" exclaims Merlin, face lighting up.

"What are you doing here?" Arthur asks genuinely pleased. He holds out his hand and Gwaine lifts off his seat and stretches across so that their fingertips manage to brush.

He plops back in his seat and says, "going home, what else?"

The light changes and the conversation stops until the other red light.

After that it becomes a little game of who can get to the next light first. Arthur is fairly sure the cars behind them hate them both.

They don't see Gwaine every day after that but they do meet fairly frequently until Arthur finds Gwaine's car waiting for them on the side of the road. He pulls back onto the street when Arthur nears and they settle into their going-home banter. Arthur takes especial care not to draw attention to the fact that Gwaine was waiting for them.

They finally exchange numbers sometime that week too.

(Gwaine is the sort of person that texts at 1 in the morning.)

(Merlin confessed he almost was late several times because he put his phone on vibrate so he could sleep and the alarm didn't go off audibly.)

(Arthur confessed right back that he did the same thing.)

(Arthur wouldn't change it for the world though.)

* * *

It's almost a month since they've added Gwaine to their daily routine when Gwaine dumps someone else into their lives.

"Meet Lancelot!" he announces grandly, when he pulls up next to them that day.

"Lance, please," says the other guy looking slightly pained.

"Why?" says Merlin, "Lancelot is a perfectly nice name."

"Everyone keeps asking if it's real," Lancelot admits.

"My name is Merlin," Merlin says cheerfully, "We're on the same scale."

"He's also known as Idiot," Arthur interjects helpfully.

"And this is Arthur also known as Prat, Princess or Clotpole," Merlin says without missing a beat.

Arthur ruffles Merlin's hair and holds out his hand for Lancelot to shake when they stop at the next light. Lancelot shakes it and says, "Nice to meet you Arthur."

"Same," Arthur says.

"Nice to meet you too Merlin," Lancelot says as he and Merlin air-shake hands.

"Nice to meet you too Lancelot!"

"So how'd you meet Gwaine?" Arthur asks. The answer is delayed because the lights change. A taxi overtakes Gwaine causing them to lose their abreast position so they have to wait through two more lights before Gwaine and Lancelot reaches back up to them.

"We work together," Lancelot says, as if they had never stopped talking.

"Oh that must be awful!" Merlin says, eyes twinkling with humour.

"Hey!" yelped Gwaine. Merlin bursts into laughter with Lancelot and Arthur himself joining in. They get Lancelot's number that day too.

(Lancelot is the opposite of Gwaine. He never texts beyond 10:30 at night unless he knows you are awake and they don't hear from him until after 8 in the morning.)

(He is also kind and polite. He never tells ribald jokes like Gwaine and drinks sparingly.)

(He and Merlin hit it off because they're disgustingly good people.)

(Arthur, to his horror, finds himself teaming up with Gwaine to loosen Lancelot up a bit.)

(Lancelot also had Merlin's taste of music.)

(Arthur still wouldn't change it for the world though.)

* * *

(Part of him feels like he's breaking open. The other part of him feels like he's shedding a cage.)

(He's not sure which part is larger.)

* * *

When Lancelot's old friend comes to the city on vacation, they get to know him before they meet him. Lancelot apparently reads their ridiculous group texts aloud sometimes and occasionally Percival has a reply to the ongoing conversation so Lancelot texts Percival's comments too.

Soon the conversation isn't complete unless they get a response from the kind but not so verbally-gentle giant.

Percival is a master of gentle but intelligent ribbing and one isn't usually able to come up with comebacks for his stuff.

Arthur keeps wondering how he's finding these disgustingly good people and why.

They finally meet Percival when he meets Gwaine and Lancelot at their workplace in the evening for the express purpose of joining them all in the commute home.

Merlin shrieks, "Percival!" like he's a little girl meeting his bestie and knees Arthur in the arm as he scrambles into the backseat so he can shake Percival's hand at the next red light.

When they are finally stopped by the light. Arthur twists in his seat to see Percival properly and has to blink a few times because Lancelot had told them Percival was big but he really hadn't expected the man to be quite so large.

At the moment, he was gripping Merlin's arm and grinning at him with a curiously innocent smile.

Arthur leaned out extending his arm for an air shake.

"Your highness," says Percival smiling. It's a title he's taken to calling Arthur after hearing Gwaine call him princess.

"Arthur please," he says grinning back at him.

They have their air handshake and then the lights turn green so they have to cut off further conversation.

At the next light, they finally get Percival's number so they can chat with him properly.

(Percival falls between Lancelot and Gwaine when it comes to how late or early he texts someone.)

(He's pleasant and easy to talk to and Arthur hits it off with him rather well.)

(Percival knows when to stay silent and somehow Arthur knows he reads between the lines to the things Arthur doesn't say.)

(Percival and Merlin team up to prank call Gwaine and the results are hilarious.)

(Arthur doesn't remember the last time he laughed that hard. He wonders if he ever has.)

* * *

The Friday before Percival leaves they drive to a pub to have a sending-off party. They crowd around a small corner table in their work clothes, sans ties and order their drinks and food.

"You sure you're comfortable their mate?" Gwaine says to Percival. "Do you need me to get you another chair so you'd fit?"

"Only if you'd let me get you another brain, yours is too small," the big man shot back.

"No," Arthur interjected, "He's just pickled his in alcohol."

"Maybe you should get him another liver," Merlin said chuckling.

"What's this, pick-on-Gwaine day?" Gwaine said indignantly.

"Every day is pick-on-Gwaine day," Percival said solemnly, sending the rest of them off into laughter again.

"The chair is looking a little uncomfortable though," said Lancelot poking fun at his friend when they recover from their laughter.

"I can hear it creaking," Arthur agrees.

"You sure that's not the sound of your neck straining to hold up your ego, princess?" said Gwaine.

"Fair point," says Merlin and Arthur shoots him a look that says 'traitor' while Lancelot and Percival goes off into peals of laughter again.

Eventually the night ends though and Percival is leaving early the next morning. He tells them he'll text them every day and Gwaine jokingly says:

"My first long distance relationship!"

"We can have a skype date!" Merlin says eyes twinkling.

"Please no," says Arthur at the same time Gwaine shouts yes. He's more than a little drunk.

"You don't want to see me your highness?" Percival says with a fake mournful look. "And here I thought we had something special."

Merlin sputters with laughter as Arthur flounders for a comeback. He laughs even more when Arthur is unable to come up with one.

"You can't expect a man to keep looking at your face all the time," Lancelot comes to the rescue, grinning at his friend.

"Arthur's probably jealous," Merlin says, "He has the pretty, blond hair but not Percival-sized muscles. Can't have him dying of envy, who'd drive me to work?"

Arthur gives up and says, "If you miss a date, we're breaking up." He sets the table into another round of laughter and Arthur has to pound Gwaine on the back before he chokes to death on the mouthful of beer he'd just swallowed.

They finally do leave though and they all clasp hands with or in Merlin's case, bro hugs, Percival.

* * *

(Arthur feels a strange sort of loss the next day but it's alleviated when Percival texts them all)

(Merlin does set up a skype date. They all talk to Percival on their own once per week and once a month they congregate by Gwaine for a guys night.)

(Arthur doesn't quite know how to class what he feels for them. He wouldn't change any of it for the world but at the same time there isn't the same bright emotion that he felt when he thought of Morgana.)

(The thought of going back to life without them is unbearable though.)

(Arthur tries not to think about it too much.)

(He knows the day will come though. When has anything good in his life stayed?)

* * *

Merlin seems hell bent on convincing Arthur that he'll never leave though. It's in the little things, like the coffee he brings on mornings for them both, letting Arthur have the radio without a fight, the knowing looks whenever Arthur is fighting with the terrible, wrongness in him, the loyalty that shines in his eyes when Arthur see him in those moments of clarity, the smiles he gives when Arthur does something right, the wise words he offers in response to Arthur's problems, the trust he offers when he tells Arthur something personal.

Merlin has changed everything in Arthur's life and he doesn't care. He sees it in the laughter they share about something that really isn't that funny, their banter that rarely gets sharp enough to hurt, the apologies they both give when they say something out of line, the moments of comradery when they seem to know exactly what the other is thinking.

(When Arthur is with Merlin he feels like he isn't half a person. He feels, not fixed, but like he can be.)

(When he's with the others he feels like he's finally found who he wants to be, who he's meant to be.)

* * *

They find Elyan when Gwaine apparently nearly runs the guy over when backing out of his driveway.

'I'm-sorry-for-nearly-running-you-over' beers somehow turns into a beautiful friendship between the both. Percival believes this is a perfectly logical thing to happen and Arthur asks Elyan if he didn't hit his head a little too hard.

Gwaine protests that he didn't actually knock the guy over while Lancelot is laughing. Merlin actually greets Elyan like a normal human being and Arthur is reminded of his manners and greets him properly too.

Gwaine brings Elyan over for their monthly skype date with Percival and nothing seems more natural. He fits in with them like a lost puzzle piece.

(Elyan is a sort of quiet sarcastic person. He replies to text sometimes hours after receiving them and occasionally drunk texts Arthur.)

(He is hardworking but always ready for fun.)

(He has a past though. His eyes have seen things and sometimes they go dark when he remembers. Arthur and Merlin take turns calling him back from that dark place when they can.)

(Gwaine who has a past as well, shares his silent strength when Arthur and Merlin can't reach him. Lancelot is a bright beacon and Percival gives understanding. Together they help Elyan because that's what friends do.)

* * *

Leon finds Arthur when he apparently dials the wrong number. He's frantic in an utterly quiet way because he needs to get some order or the other filled before his boss makes mincemeat out of him. He doesn't actually say that but Arthur can read between the lines.

He sort of wishes he had a company so that he can offer Leon a job.

He agrees to pick up the reams of paper, not bothering to correct the man and Leon's sigh of relief that comes through the phone before he hangs up almost makes it worth it.

He calls Gwaine for backup because he's not going to meet a perfect stranger alone and gets laughed at the whole way to the paper factory and to the address Leon gave him.

"It's nine in the night," Arthur defends himself, "Tomorrow is a public holiday. I can guarantee you that no one is going to pick up paper at this time and the guy sounded like he was going to have an apoplexy."

"Why do you need paper of the next day is a public holiday?" Gwaine says.

"If your boss is a hardcase you might," Arthur says as he navigates his way into the parking lot of All Paper, All the Way.

"Who named this place?" asked Gwaine.

"Probably the boss," says Arthur, because it's a terrible name.

A man with curly hair hurries out of a loading bay and them comes to a stop when they get out.

"You're not Jim," he says.

"No, I'm Arthur," Arthur says, "I have your paper."

Leon frowns at him. "We have no one named Arthur working for us."

"Not a single person?" asks Gwaine in mock surprise.

"And who are you?" Leon asks.

"His backup," Gwaine says.

Arthur rolls his eyes and says, "I'm the guy whose wrong number you dialed."

"Since he has no social life he diced to fill your order," Gwaine says.

"May I remind you that you're here with me?" Arthur says to Gwaine.

Leon looks between them and then says slowly, "Let me get this straight. I dialed you by mistake and you went and picked up my order anyway?"

Put that way it sounds incredibly stupid but Arthur can't quite put into words why it was important.

"Yes," he says firmly instead.

Leon blinked and then sighs. "Please tell me you have the bill?"

Arthur hands it over and Leon inspects it and then goes back into the loading bay for a trolley to place all the paper in.

Arthur and Gwaine helps him to load it and Leon pushes it into the loading bay.

"Do you do this often?" he says looking between them.

"No," says Arthur.

"Don't get enough wrong numbers to make it a habit," Gwaine says. Arthur thumps him on the shoulder.

Gwaine pushes back and then says, "Well this has been fun. Nice to meet you Leon."

Leon shakes the outstretched hand like he's not sure he should and says, "It's been interesting."

"Next time check who you're speaking with," Arthur tells him smiling kindly and Leon reluctantly gives a little answering smile as he shakes Arthur's hand too.

"I'll do that," he says, "Thank you."

"No problem," says Arthur.

He and Gwaine gets back into the car and drive off.

"He doesn't seem like bad fellow," Gwaine says after they've driven in silence for a while.

"No," Arthur agrees.

* * *

He texts Leon the next day: 'Everything worked out okay? – Arthur.'

'Yes,' comes the reply.

'Good,' Arthur texts back. Then he waits.

When Leon texts back, 'Glad you guys made it home safe,' he grins.

Then because he isn't disgustingly nice like Merlin, he texts Gwaine, Leon's number.

(Arthur is pretty sure Leon still doesn't know how he ended up with them for friends.)

(He is an amazing person though. He's hardworking and loyal. But he has a healthy sense of humor and can give as good as he gets. He can also hold alcohol as well as Gwaine and beats Arthur in pool.)

(He's probably the most responsible out of all of them and the rest of them agrees with Arthur that Leon is wasted on his terrible boss.)

(They actually go job hunting for him. They haven't found anything right yet, but they'll keep looking.)

(Leon still isn't sure how he ended up with them for friends but by now he's realized that they aren't exactly going to let him go.)

(He doesn't seem too hung up about it.)

* * *

It takes Arthur a while to realize that it's been a damn long time since he hasn't cared about something. It strikes him like an epiphany one monthly date-night, when he's standing back watching the others crowd around the computer talking to Percival.

He blinks, tilts his head and blinks some more.

When Merlin catches his eyes from across the room and nods knowingly, Arthur realizes that he's been in one of his moments of clarity for a long time too.

He blinks again and Merlin laughs silently at him and then crosses over to him. He leans against the wall next to Arthur and says, "Welcome back."

"It's not going to last," Arthur tells him, regretfully. He knows it's true. Things like him don't fix easily.

"We won't leave," Merlin says. "And it won't last forever."

"And how do you know that?" Arthur asks him in an undertone.

"Because it can't," Merlin says, "Because you're Arthur and you're one of the strongest people I've ever known. You'll beat this because you want too. And we'll be here every step of the way. That's what friend's do."

Arthur gazes at him and then hooks an arm around Merlin's neck and rubs his fist into his hair. Merlin yelps, pokes him the ribs with those skeletal fingers and gets away.

He is laughing even as he protests and Arthur laughs with him.

* * *

(Arthur's been lost for a damn long time but he's finally finding his way back to the light.)

* * *

 **Review please!**

 **And have a nice day/night!**


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